Wednesday, August 5, 2009

KaddyShack Guild Takes “Tiger House”, Fact or Fiction??

By: TadBit Takanawa

Breaking News here at our News 4 Center. Has the KaddyShack Guild really taken the Tiger House from the Army in Motion Guild? Reporting Live on the ground in the Shot Online Square, in nearby Tiger Territory is Asian Reporter TadBit Takanawa. ‘TadBit…take it away’….Thank you Diane, Yes; this seems to be the case. This story is still unfolding; however I have first hand information that this is indeed a fact. Where, you ask??...ME!!! I am a member of the KaddyShack Guild, and when I’m not reporting for News 4, you can often see me playing, terribly I might say on Hela Course, out behind the Tiger House. We are about to move in for a closer look now, and there seems to be a lot of activity in and around that end of the square near Potters and The Tiger House. I am hearing what appears to be loud sobbing noises at the moment. It looks like it is coming from a small group of very cold and shaken members of the Army in Motion Guild. Our Guild Enforcers Nomad1, Wild-Bill and Xzerus are currently evicting these individuals from the house. Some appear to be soiling themselves. I will try and get a quote from one, but I can’t promise, as most seem to be overwhelmed with grief. Wait Diane; there is something happening out behind Potters. I’m going in for a closer look. Biff Hardbody the News 4 camera man is going in with me. AAAHHHHHHHHHH…, please; tell me I didn’t see what I thought I just seen. Somebody, quick, gouge out my eyes. Oh my God, Oh my God. Diane…I am at a loss for words at the moment. The former Guild Master and ‘Boss’ of Kaddy Shack, HackandSlash is performing some sort of sexual act on a small Pygmy Goat. My Cameraman tells me these small, innocent and protected animals come from the Cameroon Valley of West Africa. He also tells me that this ritual is known as felching. My knees went weak Diane. I am currently being helped away from this horrible crime scene by Biff. We are now going to take a look at the inside of the Tiger House if I can regain my footing. Renovations are in full swing at the moment and we will try and get some sort of perspective as to what these new changes are. We will try and speak with some of the contractors doing the work. Excuse me sir…I’m TadBit Takanawa with News 4; why are you replacing these windows in the building? They seem to be perfectly good. “These are shatterproof windows we’re installing Miss Tad”. Why are you installing shatterproof glass? “Isn’t Hela Course just mere steps away from the back of this building little lady?” Well, yes it is. “Do you have a Golfer named trafford05 in this Guild Miss?” Ahhhh, yes we do…. Ok say no more, thank you. Moving on Diane….Over here in the center of the Tiger House, they seem to be putting in a Dance Pole, requested, I am told by Damifino28. He just loves to support single moms. This is for the young ladies of the Guild; MckyM_26....PaulaCreamerxxx….misstressG....Es2sgirl to entertain the so called gentleman here. Wow, that’s more pole than I can handle Diane. Did I just say that out loud?? Oh my; someone stuff something into my mouth; quick. Ohhh crap, I did it again. There’s another member of the new Tiger Brigade BigDumbLefty standing nearby with a T-Shirt that says “I would like to stuff more than dollars bills into that G-String” Once again, moving on. I am now seeing what appears to be a small door being cut leading into a room, that I must say, I will definitely not enter. xSINISTERx, another fine Shackster is at the entrance and we will refrain from approaching him. However, I can see a small sign above that door that reads “If you are over 3’ 2” tall, KEEP THE FUCK OUT”. That’s our Sin. It has got to be his special Audio/Video room for the production of his films. He has a very lucrative Midget Porn Business. This business, I understand Diane is highly illegal in every State in the USA but Arkansas. There is also a small booth set up outside xSINISTERx’s studio; that reads “PaulCK’s Special Gel” cures everything from Hang Nails to Hemorrhoids. Also a great Male Enhancement Cream. I must say Diane, that this Gel works wonders if you can get past the burning. I have tried it on my most sensitive areas….errrrrr… I mean my skin and it is fantastic….wooooow. Well, we’ll be getting out of the way here and let these folks get back to work. We are now heading to the roof area where much work is taking place. I am seeing what I believe is a landing pad up here and Andy245 is standing on it. It looks as though he is in somewhat of a trance. Andy, can we get a couple of words from you? Andy, Andy…come in Andy. Wait Diane, there appears to be a bright light in the sky coming towards us at a high rate of speed. I’m not sure what it is. This is incredible. It’s getting closer, no wait……OH NO….SHITTTTTTTT……TadBit….TadBit, this is Diane. Well folks, it seems as though we are experiencing some sort of difficulty here. As soon as we re-establish communications with Tad and Biff on the ground we’ll have more on the KaddyShack takeover of the Tiger House. Now for the local weather.... Skippy, take it away……THE END

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