Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The World According to Lord Dark Helmet

Hello my fellow Shackers! It seems that Damifino has lost is mind and giving me free reign to write anything I want in the Enquirer. I don't know about you but I find this very cool. I mean, I can say ANYTHING! I however will restrain myself, OK who am I fooling. I HAVE NO RESTRAINT!

In the World According to Lord Dark Helmet I'm going to give my opinion on a great many things. All I find funny and if you don't, well that's your problem and file all complaints with Hack2. Before I get into anything else I must first wish Andy245 good luck on his journey to be a semon. I also want to congratulate JoeBlo and HackandSlash on losing your TP Status. I'm not jealous or anything, I'm not laughing my ass off. Well OK, maybe I am but hey. I'm an asshole so what do you expect?

I saw trafford05 and toomer repelling off the tee box on the 2nd hole of Cads. When I asked them what they were doing trafford05 said "Getting all the golf balls we've lost, no bugger off!" I wish you guys good luck with your quest, your going to be there awhile. I also had the idea of asking Khiss a question but I heard him mumbling "AH AH AH, I want to drink Nomad's blood!" When I shared this with Nomad his reply was "Leave me alone! I'm eating my doughnuts!"

I've also recently had to wear sunglasses when playing with adonis. He looks like the KaddyShack version of Elton John. All he needs are the heart glasses but hey! I'm not judging or anything.

Well, it seems that is the World According to Lord Dark Helmet. Until next time my fellow Shackers I'm out!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Andy245 Goes To The High Seas

Our beloved Andy has joined the Coast Guard Auxiliary unit in Washington State. Of course his first attempt at getting on a boat went badly when he wasn't allowed to be a tugboat captain. Of course when they asked him who would be on his crew and he said Lieutenant Dan and kevinj1, you could probably see that one coming.

"I've always enjoyed water", said Andy, "I drink it all the time. As a matter of fact water makes up most of the earth. Did you know that and isn't that crazy?"

Crazy is the perfect one word to describe Andy. When we asked him what he was going to be doing for the Coast Guard he started off by saying something about Black Beard and Red Beard terrorizing the Puget Sound and he wanted to see if they were with the Russians.

"We had to explain to Andy several times that Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Hector Barbossa are fictional characters," said Andy's new captain, Captain Hooker, "He keeps insisting that our crew should be made up of Popeye and Poopdeck Pappy. We've even caught him with the local one legged prostitute here and he keeps calling her The Sea Hag. We just call her Peggy."

"I'm so excited about this new job," said Andy, "I have been practicing at home by playing a lot of minesweeper on the computer. I'm getting pretty good at it too. I've been told that Davy Jones' Locker is even around here somewhere. I'm willing to bet that is what the aliens are looking for. Other than stealing cows milk that is."

So good luck to you Andy in your newest adventure. Hopefully this job will work out for you. Lord knows that if it doesn't the next job we see Andy in will still be on the high seas at Long John Silvers asking if you want fries or hush puppies with your order.