Damifino and PaulCK loving life. Stephencbt Cries Foul

In a bizarre week, KaddyShack has become overrun with bombers. Gold and Silver bombers to be precise. In a rare occurrence for KaddyShack, Damifino and PaulCK were out celebrating after being 2 of the 20 lucky people drawn out to receive the repairable TP Bombers. Messages of congratulations have been flooding in to the two lucky recipients.

"I can't believe it," exclaimed Dam. "I didn't even know I was in the draw! The funny thing is, I was just topping off Lefty’s online pizza account with 10 dollars and the only option I had to add the money was Google. I've never put any money into this silly game."

PaulCK was equally surprised. "It's amazing. I've never won anything. I once got 2nd place in a beauty contest and received $200 for passing GO but other than that I can't recall anything."

However, not all of the KaddyShack team are overjoyed with the good news received by 2 of its members. Tournament Director and Gold box-aholic stephencbt was far from impressed. "It's an absolute scandal! I'm outraged. I had to lay off 4 employees during the last gold box sale and all I got was 378 freaking stam zods and 654 mopsos. I've max'd out 6 different credit cards and American Express is refusing to up my credit limit. I’m not going to let this go. I’m taking this to the powers that be!”

Stephen continued,” I've requested 3 meetings now with our Guild Master HackandSlash. The first two were conference calls and when I dialed the number all I got was some fainting goat sex line, the 3rd meeting was scheduled for London, but when I got there he never showed up. I'm at my wits end. There are 3 horse heads in the mail. Those 2 jammy bastards will get theirs, although Hack’s will end up being returned to sender.”

We asked Wild-Bill for his comments, to which he responded “Fuck em”. We then tracked down Shooter McGavin who had just finished some gardening in a field in Nevada. “Sorry, I’ve heard nothing. I’ve been busy planting a few thousand marajuana, I mean, marigold plants, err, for, err, an outdoor garden when my Dutch Style Coffee Shop opens next year. Yeah, that’s it. BassBassist is coming to be my general manager. Maybe he'll even bring an oven with him.”

Andy245 was more helpful when we asked him what he thought of the whole situation. “Well it’s quite simple really,” replied Andy. “Stephen is actually from the planet Algar while Dam and PaulCK are from Zaglak. These 2 planets have been feuding for centuries. It’s no wonder there’s hostile feelings between them. It won’t be settled until the next intergalactic senate meeting is held in 2348." Andy245 continued to talk to us for the next 2 hours but me mostly rambled on about Krypton and Mars hookers.

In one final attempt to get to the bottom of the hostilities, we decided to contact the GM, HackandSlash. Unfortunately, the F.B.I. and Scotland Yard refused to reveal his location or even if he existed. Flossy the goat refused to be interviewed. However a man named Nigel did appear to speak with us and provided us with a disturbing picture.



Edit: News just in – stephencbt has been found on top of the Empire State Building threatening to jump. It appears that Shot Online has given out sets of plus 2 stat gloves and hats. He was heard babbling “I can’t believe that Irish bastard got those gloves and shoes. They’re mine I tell you, mine!”

Las Vegas Police Officer Nomad was seen floating to the scene in an attempt to talk him down.

Story written mostly by PaulCK with a little Damifino tweeking.

EU Takes Early Lead. US Tries To Regroup

"We knew the US team had talent, but we have even more talent," explained EU Captain PaulCK. "It's still extremely early but we feel that we can take this momentum and win the cup," PaulCK added.

The EU team took an early 6.5 to 4.5 point lead over the overconfident US team in the 4-ball play with one match left to be decided. FrankMad and xzerus got the ball rolling with a one sided win over US Captain shoootermcgavin and Peacefrog 7 & 6. "We knew we had them when Peacefrog held up two fingers. We thought he was telling us peace but then we realized thats how many cases of beer he'd drank that day," said xzerus.

The one match left to be decided is a very interesting match with HackandSlash and adonis159 against Jafo and xSINISTERx. "It's no suprise that HackandSlash wouldn't appear," said stephencbt. HackandSlash has promised to show up and play his round soon.

The EU team had other big wins with teammates such as Angry Bob and Dibbler Jnr, Martinlp and Tatoman, and SlimDan and BassBassist.

The US team had a few bright spots but only a few. JollyJAF and JoeyMaz won convincingly as did Nebuta and Nomad.

The best match by far of the first round was JUNHINO and megwan for the EU and Pisgah Bear and OlderMan. The match was tight throughout and the match ended up being halved.

We asked to speak with the US Captain, shoootermcgavin, but he asked he could have a quick smoke and after waiting for over 3 hours for him to return we went to BigDumbLefty for answers.

"Well its really not the entire teams fault," said BDL. "I threw a party for team building reasons at my liquor store and some guys just went a bit overboard. Rover66 didn't get blasted but Damifino28 went overboard with his drinking. We'll sober up and make a match of it yet. I'm filling beer bottles with RedBull and Amp right now."

HackEnSlash and peterb of EU was seen celebrating their win with a Molson and Guiness respectively.

BigDumbLefty was nice enough to let us take a picture of his store. Andy_245 is outside of the store. The woman could not be identified before this story was printed.



Editors note. An error was made in this story when it was found that the EU is running this tournament. It was incorrectly reported that Angry Bob and Dibbler Jnr won their match against JoeBlo2 and LrdDrkHlmt when actually it was the other way around. Unfortunately this reporter went by what he read on the site and didn't actually look at the columns. So this just goes to show that the EU is doing everything they can to cheat the US out of the Ryder Cup. Go USA!