Overlooked by many, in fact everyone to be honest, a tiny story broke in New York recently revealing one of our prominent members, stephencbt, is in fact a short-ass.
Known to all in KaddyShack as the Bus Company running, Aston Martin driving, Gold Box-aholic, stephencbt revealed his stunning deficiency at a recent golf outing with 2 other KaddyShack members, JollyJAF and “Shacker of the Year”, Pisgah-Bear.
“I’ve lived with this all my life” revealed Stephen, as we sat in the clubhouse on matchboxes drinking espresso’s.
“I never had the courage to tell anyone about my height until now, well, except for my best friends growing up, Action Man, Barbie & Ken. They never, well almost never, looked down on me because I was short. I always dreamed of being a normal bloke. I had heroes and role models just like everyone else. Stuart Little had a big influence on my childhood”.
In a moving interview, Stephen gave us a brief, insight into his childhood. “It was the simple things I missed out on as a child. I did have normal sized friends to start with but after the first couple of times we played hide-and-go-seek they didn’t want to know me anymore”, he said holding back the tears. His lack of height first hit home when he turned 7, in school. “I knew something was up when my classmates started making models of buildings out of Popsicle sticks and the teacher gave to my parents for me to live in at home”.
We tried to get some comments from other KaddyShack members in relation to this breaking story. While playing Cadeiger, we caught up with Trafford05 on the 13th hole of Rufus recovering another ball and asked for his thoughts. “Ha-ha!! What goes around comes around”, Traff told us, crying with laughter. “That little fecker has taken the piss out of me for the last 12 months because I go O.B so much. Well, I’ll play a round of golf with him later to cheer him up. I’m running low on tees anyway”.
We approached the GM, HackandSlash for his thoughts. “It explains a lot”, the boss told us. “At least we know now why he doesn’t use the auction house himself, because he can’t get up the stairs!” We asked him to give us his thoughts on Stephen but there was a bleating noise in the background, Hack got all fidgety, made his excuses and left.
PaulCK was equally unsympathetic. “I suppose this means he’s going to want the kiddie discount on the 48 tubes of gel he bought last week. Well, he can fuck off. There’s no refunds!”
Andy245 wasn’t surprised at all. “I’ve known for ages”, he told us. “When I was abducted by aliens for the third time last September and they probed me, it wasn’t like the previous times. This probe moved around. When they took it out I realised it was CBT. I originally thought I was dreaming and that Traff had hit another one O.B and that Stephen was looking for it in my ass but it all makes perfect sense now”.
Finally, we caught up with JollyJaf and Pisgah-Bear and got their thoughts. PB was, as usual, his diplomatic self. “To be honest with ya, me and Jolly feel like we got short changed. Those crooks in the clubhouse charged us admission for 3 adults”.
Action Man, Barbie, Ken and Stuart Little were unavailable for comment.